


The Longest Day, Getting Here

by towanda



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8293772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towanda/pseuds/towanda
Summary: ...Carol took a deep breath. “It’s like we forget how to talk to each other, when things are hard,” she said quietly with a shake of her head. “Me too. I forget how to talk to you. I do what I’ve always done. I shut down and reach out to Abby. It’s all I’ve known to do, all these years. All I had..."A few months after the Oak Room, our dear heroines unexpectedly fight, revealing there is still unfinished business between them.  How will they survive this longest day?This story references moments in two of my other stories, "A Perpetual Sunrise" and "Holding Hands." Not totally necessary to read those, but you might if you haven't. :-)





	1. The Longest Morning

Though she was immensely grateful, Carol had been surprised that Therese had not shown any anger when they finally talked, the morning they woke up together in Therese’s apartment after the miracle that was her appearance in the Oak Room the night before.  Therese had been understanding, compassionate, even took some responsibility for the situation herself.  She had listened and shed tears with Carol as Carol had shared about the utter devastation of the previous months. 

Carol thought if the roles had been reversed, she might have raised her voice, just a little, to make her point before grabbing up Therese in her arms and kissing her senseless.

She didn’t quite understand how Therese could love her, that much.

Now they had been living together a few months, most days at Therese’s apartment, occasional days and the times Carol saw Rindy at Carol’s apartment.  They had settled into a rhythm together, morning routines like a dance, off in a shared taxi to their separate workplaces, occasional lunch “dates,” evenings mostly staying in but occasionally seeing Abby or Dannie and Phil, and long nights (and to be honest, long weekends, long lunches, and long early mornings) getting to know each other and every inch of each other’s bodies. 

That first night, coming here after the Oak Room, everything had been all Therese, as it should have been, Carol believed.  After a few weeks, however, Carol had begun to notice that most times she was the one initiating intimacy with Therese.  Once she did, Therese was more than eager, so Carol was not sure if she should be concerned or not. So she said nothing.  Regardless, the lovemaking, Carol found, was liberating. She felt known as she had never before.

That morning at the “Blue Place,” as they had started calling Therese’s apartment, had started out innocently enough.  They had woken up and had coffee (heavy with cream as Therese liked it) and breakfast before Carol headed to the bathroom to get ready for work.  Therese had slipped into the shower behind Carol while she was washing her hair and began kissing her shoulders, tentatively running her hands over Carol’s hips.  Carol gasped, surprised and delighted at Therese’s initiative, yet mindful of the time.  She flicked water at Therese over her shoulder with a laugh.  “Darling, you will make us both late if you keep that up.”

Immediately she felt Therese step back, removing her hands and lips from Carol’s body. 

“Oh,” Therese said.  “Ok.”

The disappointment in Therese’s voice caused Carol to turn around as she rinsed the shampoo from her hair. _Dammit_ , she thought.  “Darling?” Carol tried to catch Therese’s eye, but she had shifted, and was fiddling with the nail brush. “You know I want to, it’s just” –

“No,” Therese waved a hand at Carol, “it’s ok. It’s fine.”  She picked up the soap.  “Are you almost done?  I can wash up quick and we can leave.  Wouldn’t want to be late.”

Carol picked up the tiniest edge of a bite in Therese’s words, but chose to stay calm.  “Of course, darling.”  She passed her head one more time under the falling water, and then began squeezing out her hair.  “All yours.”

They dressed quietly.  Carol knew Therese was brooding, but wasn’t sure what to do.  Clearly Therese didn’t want to talk about it, and Carol didn’t want to push her.  They gathered up their things and headed for the door.  Carol leaned in to kiss Therese before they headed out into the world. 

“Darling, remind me when you’re get home again today?”

“I think late again, 6, maybe 6:30.” She had kissed Carol back, but distantly, as if she were distracted.

“Hmm.  I’ll be finished up by 5. Should I come meet you? Wait for you somewhere?”

Therese sighed. “Oh, I don’t know Carol, whatever you think.”

Carol furrowed her brow, puzzled by Therese’s tone.  “This would be easier if you gave me a key, you know?”

There was silence.  Carol knew instantly it was not the right thing to say.  Therese was chewing at her lower lip and looking at the ground, a hand nervously tapping on her thigh.

“I mean, I don’t…” Carol paused, unsure and beginning to feel frustrated.  “Well, you have _my_ key. It just seems easier, don’t you think? With our schedules? Therese?” She sighed and shifted her bag when Therese didn’t respond. “What do you want, darling?”

Therese’s head had snapped up, looking Carol right in the eye. Carol was certain she had never seen the bristling flash of anger in Therese’s eyes as she did in this moment.  Why was she so angry?  And why wouldn’t she say anything? Carol turned and reached for the doorknob.

"Well, you can ask for what you want, Therese,” she said, frustrated.  “Just tell me where to meet you.  Shall we go?” 

“I can ask for what I want.”

Carol turned back around at the sharp whip of sarcasm in Therese’s voice.  She was startled to see Therese’s eyes ablaze, chest rising and falling with anger and pain.

“I can ask for what I want.  Can I?  Can I really?”  Therese’s eyes did not leave Carol’s.

“Of course, darling, of course you can.” Carol reached for Therese’s hand, confused and trying to comfort her, but Therese jerked her hand away and stepped back.

“Are you sure?  Are you sure about that?” Therese’s voice shook low in anger.

“Well of course!”  Carol was at a loss, but also felt her own anger mounting.  “Why ever not?  You’re making us late, come on, Therese.” Her voice was sharp in a way she didn’t like.

“I’m just supposed to give you my key, like it’s _nothing_. Because” – she waved a hand – “ _schedules_ ,” she spit out.  “Like it’s _nothing_. Like it’s so easy. So easy for you, to just give me your key.”

“Therese, what the hell” –

“No!” Therese’s voice was raised now, her hand with her keys in it gripped at her side.  “I can ask for what I want.  Really? _Really_ , Carol?”

“I…Therese, calm down, what’s” –

“I **_asked_** you for what I wanted,” Therese shouted. “In Waterloo.  And you **_left_**.”

Carol gasped and stumbled a step back as silence crashed down between them, sudden and cracking.  She swallowed. Therese’s words had stung, as if she had slapped Carol across the face.  There was truth to those words, Carol hated to admit.

Therese blinked twice, eyes wet with tears; she was flushed, and seemed to shudder as she looked away.  _She looks lost_ , Carol thought, _lost and scared.  What in the world do I say to this?_

“Therese…” Carol whispered as gently as she could.

“Let’s just go, Carol,” Therese muttered without looking up.  “We’re late. Let’s just go.”

They did not speak to each other all the way down to the street, nor in the taxi.  Only when Therese got out at the Times did Carol reach for her, touching her hand.  “Have a good day, darling,” she said quietly. 

Therese just nodded, giving Carol a long look.  _Not angry_ , Carol realized looking into the emotions swirling in Therese’s gaze, _hurting and scared._ “I’ll see you later?” Therese paused, then nodded again, just once, then turned and walked to her building.


	2. The Longest Day

Carol slumped back into her seat as the taxi driver headed to Fourth Avenue.  The instant she arrived at the store, she made a beeline for the back room and called Abby.

“Take me to lunch.”

“Well, hello to you too.”

“I mean it. Take me to lunch. Please.”

“All right, all right, Carol. What’s up?”

Carol sighed, looking up at the ceiling.  “We fought.”

“You and Therese?”

“Yes, of course, who else?” Carol snapped, and then sighed again.  “I’m sorry, I just” –

“It’s fine, Carol. Of course I’ll take you to lunch. It’ll be all right.”

They made the arrangements and Carol hung up, unsure how she would survive the few hours until lunchtime.  She spent most of the morning pensive, mindlessly flipping through furniture catalogs and talking to clients, but the fight that morning clung to her.  Something about Therese’s eyes, how suddenly lost and distant she had looked after shouting, reminded Carol too keenly of their drive back to Chicago from Waterloo.

Carol was not sure what had happened, that had left Therese so distant from her in the car.  They were both shocked at being discovered the detective, Carol charging off with a gun, vaguely aware of Therese behind her but not stopping to answer any questions.  Carol had called Abby immediately, from a phone booth in the alley, problem solving and arranging the flight back to New York.

That their precious, intimate night had been violated in such a vile manner had left them both shaking, traumatized.  But Carol couldn’t understand why Therese wouldn’t talk to her.  _Well,_ she thought, _I’m not talking either, am I_.  The silence in the car was overwhelming.

She had finally asked, unable to keep silent when Therese was so clearly suffering, but was unprepared for Therese’s stumbling, grieving anger and self-reproach.  Carol’s heart broke for Therese, even though her words – “I should have said no to you…I don’t know what I want” – hurt her at the same time.  But Carol had learned something from the night Harge had burst in on them, and tried to be kind, and stay connected.  So she reached out to Therese, drawing her close and caressing her face, insisting the situation was not her fault.

But Therese was still distant in the hotel, until Carol had hung up with Abby and seen Therese folding down the duvet on the other bed.  “You don’t have to sleep over there” she had pled, and for a few hours they had clung to each other.

So Carol recognized the suffering she had seen in Therese’s face that morning, and it worried her.  She was at a loss as to what had caused it, beyond what Therese had yelled at her, or what to do about it.  Therese had yelled at her.  She had not seen that coming.  Her heart stung, and she left for lunch a few minutes early just for the chance to walk a bit.

The two best friends lunched at their favorite spot, high-backed wooden booths to protect their privacy.  Abby had ordered martinis, but for once Carol wanted to keep a clear head.

“So,” Abby prompted after they had ordered, “what happened?”

Carol fiddled with the lemon slice on her tea glass.  “Oh…I don’t know.  Maybe…maybe she’s changed her mind, maybe she doesn’t…Abby, she doesn’t…” Carol was suddenly shy, and turned her head away.

“What, Carol?”  Abby reached across and patted Carol’s arm.  “It’s just me, remember?”

Carol took a breath.  “I think,” she whispered, eyes at the table, “she doesn’t…want me anymore, you know what I mean?” Carol risked a glance up at Abby, who just raised an eyebrow, incredulous.

“Well, now I know you’ve gone mad.  Have you seen the way she looks at you? Entire city blocks would burn down, if she looked at buildings like that.”

“It’s not funny.” Carol started to pull her arm away from Abby’s hand but Abby just gripped tighter.

“No, it’s not, but you’re being ridiculous.  You know that.”

“I know…But…Abby, it’s almost always…me…” Carol took a sip of her tea.  “Today, though...”

“Ah.  Well?”

Carol explained about the shower, and the ensuing fight.  Abby listened without interrupting, twirling her olive around in her glass.  When Carol had finished her story, Abby nodded a couple of times, eyeing her friend carefully.  Finally she spoke.

“Carol, you know I love you. You’re my best friend.”

“Yes...?” Carol responded, questioning.

“I’ll always be here for you.”

“Yes. And I for you.”

“Right.”  Abby paused, looking thoughtfully at her friend.  “Carol, why are you talking to me?”

“I beg your pardon? Didn’t you just say” –

“Yes, yes I did.  But I’m not the one you should be talking to about this.”

“But” –

“Listen.  Remember in December, the first time she came to your house, and Harge burst in all unannounced, like the jerk he is? How you snapped at Therese, and you called me?”

Carol closed her eyes.  She remembered that night clearly, how she had risked to flirt openly with Therese, and the fight with Harge, taking Rindy away from her in the cold dark. He dared to call **_her_** cruel.  All she had done was name the truth.  He could insult, insinuate, threaten, could violate her space, her body, (her arm hurt where he had gripped her, hard) but God forbid she stand up for herself.  She was expected to conform, to apologize, and in a place she couldn’t name she was ashamed that she _had_ almost apologized, that she reached out to him after he called her cruel, guilty, as if an apology from her (because never from him) would ever solve anything.   Rindy would still be gone.  Her heart would still feel torn.

She had shrugged her shoulders as if to slough off his touch, pulling off her sweater hoping the cold would cleanse her of him, and gone back into the house.

It was true she had hardly remembered Therese in that moment, she had felt so lost in her raging heartbreak.  Therese had seemed just as lost, confused, stumbling for how to help, for what to say. And Carol had shut down, lashed out (“I’m _fine_ ”), and driven Therese to the train station in silence.

She had bought a carton of cigarettes and called Abby as soon as she walked back in the door, lighting a cigarette and inhaling deeply while holding the receiver under her chin.  Abby was furious – she saved all her best cuss words for Harge – but had a question that brought Carol up short.

“But what about Therese?”

“What…what do you mean?”

“You just took her home? You didn’t talk to her?”

“Abby, I…what was I supposed to say? And anyway she didn’t say anything. Maybe she doesn’t want to know. Maybe…”

“Carol, you said she offered to help, offered to go get you cigarettes for Christ’s sake.  I’m just saying, you like this girl, you should talk to her.”

Carol had hung her head, hand in her hair.  “All right, Abby, all right. You’re right.”

She had hung up, poured herself a whiskey, and then dialed Therese’s number.  Again, she felt ashamed.  Always ashamed. Damn Harge.

But when she asked Therese to forgive her, and Therese said yes, she felt lighter.  Therese wanted to know things.  And Carol wanted to be known.

Carol shook her head and brought herself back to the present. “Well of course I remember that, I’m not daft.  I was awful to her.”

“Right. You shut down and went silent and didn’t talk to her.  And you called me.  And what did I tell you?”

“You called Harge every name in the book.”

“Well yes, obviously,” Abby smirked, “but what else?”

Carol felt defensive.  “You told me to talk to her.  And I did, I called her and apologized.”

“But did you actually talk about what happened? About what was happening, and why, about how you were feeling, about how she was feeling?”

Carol straightened her knife and spoon.  “No. We didn’t.”

“Right.  And when that little shit detective found you in Iowa, what did you do?”

Carol shifted uncomfortably in her seat, recalling her thoughts from earlier that morning and beginning to understand where this was going. “What I _should_ have done was blow his head off.”

“And nobody would have blamed you.  But what did you _actually_ do?”

“I called you. I shut down with her, mostly.  She did too of course.  I mean, it was awful for both of us.”

“Yes.  But did you talk about it?”

“No. No, not really, not how we felt about it anyway.” She shifted again, remembering her frustrated tone in the car, which she still regretted.

“No. You called me twice, though, to talk about it.  She heard that, right?”

“Oh my god.” Carol closed her eyes at the sudden realization and dropped her head into her hands.

“Listen, Carol.” Abby reached out and took her arm again.  “I’m not saying it’s your fault.  It makes sense why you would react the way you would.  Both of these situations were horrible, especially that little shit detective. You did what you had always done:  shut down, call me, and then try to fix it all by your own damn self. Same for Therese I would guess.”

Carol looked up at her and sighed.  “I know you’re right.  I do.”

“So, now you get to change that.  You have the opportunity now.  Maybe she does too.  Seems like neither one of you is great in a crisis,” Abby smirked gently.

“Again, not funny,” Carol rolled her eyes, then settled back in her seat.  “Still.  You’ve given me something to think about.  She’s been holding on to some things, I think.”

“Sounds like it.  You too, maybe.  You can do this Carol.  She loves you, remember.”  Abby leaned forward and lowered her voice.  “And listen…maybe the, ah, wanting thing” –

“Abby!”  Carol squirmed and her eyes went wide.

“Oh, stop.  I mean it.  Maybe it’s related.  Maybe she doesn’t know how to ask.”  She hesitated, then plunged ahead.  “I mean, you didn’t.”

“Jesus Christ, Abby.” Carol flushed and looked away.

“Well, it’s true.  Not everybody is born like…well, me, you know.”

Carol rolled her eyes again.  “Yes I do know, thank you very much, may we please change the subject?”

Abby just smiled and sat back.  Carol took a drink of tea and eyed her over her glass.

“You know,” Carol said, setting down her glass slowly and dabbing at her lips with her napkin, “I thought you would have been more on my side.”

Now Abby rolled her eyes and slapped the table, good naturedly but with emphasis.  “What makes you think I’m not, you nitwit?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Carol pondered with a small smile. “Always my defender, I guess I’ve grown to count on it.”

Abby cocked her head and squinted at Carol.  “Look, Carol.  Therese makes you happier than I have ever seen you, in all our years together.  Happier, more at ease, more yourself.  More free.”  Abby leaned forward, emphatic. “I want that for you. For _both_ of you. You’re good for each other.  I have been fierce for you all these years, my friend, and now I will be fierce for both of you. Together. All right?”

Carol smiled at her friend, eyes shining wet.  “Well.  That’s that!”

Carol had Abby drop her off a few blocks from the shop so she could stretch her legs and gather her thoughts.  Once inside, she found a piece of notepaper and envelope, and wrote a quick note.

“ _Dearest, whatever you need, let me know._  
_I’m here for you._  
 _Love, C.”_

She sealed the envelope and wrote Therese’s name on the outside, calling to a messenger to deliver the note to the Times building, and to wait to see if a reply would be returned.

The hour before the messenger returned was agony.  Carol began to wonder if perhaps Therese wouldn’t respond at all.  Carol dealt with customers, an eye on the door for the messenger.  When at last he returned, Carol scanned him, eagle-eyed for an envelope, and was relieved to see one in his hand.  He brought it over and Carol excused herself and went to the back room to read it.

_“See you at the blue place._  
_I’m sorry._  
 _T”_

Carol ran her finger along the edge of the notepaper.  She wasn’t entirely sure what to make of Therese’s brief note.  At a minimum, Therese wanted to see her, and that was a relief.  And if the “I’m sorry” was an apology for the morning, well, that was a good sign, wasn’t it?  Unless it was an apology for something to come.  Carol shook her head.  _Don’t be daft, she loves me, we will figure this out._ She carefully folded the note back up and put it in her bag. _Don’t dwell_ , she thought, moving back to the showroom, and she kept herself busy the rest of the afternoon, though worry tugged at the back of her mind.


	3. The Longest Evening

The early July day was quite warm, though pleasantly less humid, so Carol decided simply sit outside Therese’s apartment on a nearby bench to wait for her.  She had the taxi drop her at the market a several blocks away. She had contemplated getting flowers, but it reminded her too much of Harge, the way he would send flowers after a fight.  A poor excuse for an apology, Carol had always thought, as if sending flowers erased his rages and accusations. Carol glanced at the scar on her arm and remembered the day he had thrown his “apology” in her face.  No, not flowers.  She had settled on fresh bread, butter, honey.  

Carol walked the few blocks to Therese’s apartment and settled on the bench, thankful this side of the street was now in the shade.  She breathed into the ache into her chest, then reached for her bag, fumbling around inside it until she found her cigarettes and lighter. She took a long first draw after lighting one and exhaled.

She looked down at the gold cigarette case in her hand, nervously turning it over and over, tracing the edge with her thumb.  Without really thinking she popped the case opened and stared at the few cigarettes left, gently running a finger over the soft white paper tubes.   She had switched to Philip Morris, Therese’s favorite, over the long, dreadful winter, as some desperate way of being connected to her. 

As she sat there, she couldn’t remember the last time she had filled the case.  Shutting the case expertly with one hand, she realized that she smoked much less since she and Therese had come back together in April, really anymore only if they were out for a drink, sometimes going even days without a cigarette.  In fact, she really only smoked now when Harge was coming to drop off Rindy, trying to calm her nerves.

Like she was doing now. 

Carol stared at the half-smoked cigarette, and flipped the case in her hand. She didn’t actually like smoking; she had picked it up after marrying Harge: something to do with her hands so she wouldn’t throttle him, something to do with her breath so she wouldn’t choke.

 _No_ , she thought. _I’m nervous but I don’t need this.  Not with her_.  She crushed out the cigarette, stood and walked over to a trash can where she dropped the butt and all the cigarettes in her case.  She pondered throwing away the case, too, but it had been gift from Abby, ages ago.  She tucked it back in her bag and turned around, only to see Therese walking toward her, a puzzled expression on her face.

“Hi.” Carol picked up a still-guarded tone in Therese’s voice, though not quite as distant as the morning.

“Hi!” Carol was surprised how hard her heart leapt to see Therese, and was certain it showed in her face. “You’re home early.”

“Yeah, we…finished sooner than I thought.  What are you doing?” Therese gestured with her chin towards the trash can.

“Oh that…” Carol gave her head a toss and rolled her eyes.  “I threw away my cigarettes.”

Surprised, Therese couldn’t hold back a small quirk of a grin.  “Why would you do that?”

Carol gazed at Therese, suddenly full of longing at the sight of her smile. She desperately wanted to reach out to her, touch her, but knew they couldn’t in the street.  “I realized I don’t…need them, anymore, want them…with you.”

Therese pondered Carol, and for the first time that day Carol saw her face soften, just briefly, before the shadow of guardedness returned behind her tired eyes. 

“Therese” – Carol began, but Therese had gulped and started speaking.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t…” Therese shrugged and looked up towards her window.  “I don’t know, Carol.”

Carol nodded gently.  “I don’t know that I do either, darling.” She began to take a small step forward when a car pulled up across the street, people piling out and laughing.  It would not do to be too close, and she stepped back.  “Shall we go up?  And maybe…try to talk?”

Therese nodded slowly, and they turned and headed towards the building.  They climbed up the three flights in silence.  Carol set her shopping bag in the kitchen.  “I bought some fresh bread, would you like some?” she called out to Therese, who was settling her things in the living room. “With butter and honey?”

“Sure.”

Carol sliced and buttered the bread, arranging the slices on a large plate with a small bowl of the honey in the middle.  She took the plate into the living room and set it on the coffee table.  Therese was standing at the table by the far window, absently staring out into the street. Watching her made Carol’s heart ache.

“Therese, darling…” Carol took a few slow steps toward her.  “May I…may I hold you? For a moment?  Only if you…” She stopped, unsure how to continue.  Therese turned to her, and Carol could see her eyes were red, and wet, though clearly, from her clenched fists and jaw, Therese was holding back trying not to cry, as if, Carol thought, as if she were fighting with herself.

Therese just nodded and Carol was across the rest of the distance in two quick steps, touching Therese’s face with the gentlest of caresses and then enfolding her into her arms with relief.  Therese began to shake. Carol held her closer, kissed her on her forehead, and rubbed her back as tenderly as she could.  Carol was nervous but knew Therese needed her to stay calm.

“Dearest,” she whispered, “we will be ok. We will.” 

Therese choked out a sob.  “I don’t know, I don’t know…”

Carol kissed the top of her head, and ran her fingers through Therese’s hair.  “What are you afraid of, darling? I’m here, I’m right here.” 

Therese leaned her head into Carol’s chest for a moment, then pulled back, looking down, breathing labored. “I…”

“Breathe, darling, I’m here, it’s ok. I promise you can tell me anything.”

Therese took a few breaths. She still did not look up.  “There are…moments…times…” She swallowed and closed her eyes. She spoke softly, shy. “…sometimes I want you so badly, I feel like I will explode. Like I’m on fire…”

“Oh my,” Carol whispered, totally unprepared for Therese’s words.

“Like…I’m standing in a desert with my hands outstretched, and you are raining down on me.”

Carol momentarily forgot to breathe, astounded.  “And…that scares you?”

Therese shook her head and wiped at her nose with the back of her hand. “You have no idea,” she muttered.

Carol gently lifted the younger woman’s chin with a finger, so that she could see Therese’s eyes. “But why, dearest? It doesn’t scare me.” 

Therese shrugged and looked away. “I…it’s so confusing.  Maybe we could sit down, I’m…”

“Of course, darling, come.”  They moved to the couch. Carol kicked off her shoes, then reached down and took Therese’s shoes off her feet. “Would you like some bread, maybe you’ll feel better eating something.”  She dipped a slice of buttered bread into the honey and offered it to Therese, who took it and ate it slowly, in silence.

Carol was astonished by Therese’s admission, and wondered what to say next, or if she should wait until Therese spoke again.  She took a slice of bread, held it in her hand at her lap, and ventured to speak.

“I’m…so pleased, Therese, honestly, and a little relieved, I said to Abby” –

Therese raised her head sharply. “You told Abby.” Her voice was low and hard.

Carol realized immediately exactly how she had mis-stepped. _No sense in hiding it_ , she thought.  “I did, Therese, and” –

“Of course you did.” Therese rolled her eyes, angry, and shifted to stand up. “Of **_course_** you did.”

Carol reached out and took Therese’s hand in both of hers, not even noticing that she’d dropped her bread on the ground in her haste to catch her. “Therese, please” – Therese was standing now, glaring down at Carol – “darling, please.  Wait.  Let me finish, please.”

Therese squinted at Carol, sighed, and slowly sat back down. Carol did not let her go, clasped her hand even tighter.

Carol took a deep breath. “It’s like we forget how to talk to each other, when things are hard,” she said quietly with a shake of her head. “Me too. I forget how to talk to you. I do what I’ve always done. I shut down and reach out to Abby. It’s all I’ve known to do, all these years. All I had. Whenever Harge would” – she waved a hand as if batting away an annoying bug – “no. That doesn’t matter now. What matters is you.”

Therese was watching her carefully, but said nothing. She hadn’t removed her hand from Carol’s, though, which gave Carol courage to continue.

“I had lunch with Abby, yes.  I called her when I got to work.  I was upset we had fought, scared.  I don’t know if it was the right thing to do, but it is thing I’ve always done.  She’s the one who pointed out that out to me.”

“Abby did?” Therese was surprised.

“Yes, she did.  She asked why I was talking to her, not you.  In fact, it was not the first time.”  Carol shifted, ducked her head, embarrassed.”  “Gave me a good little lecture, that one.  She’s on your side, well, our side, you know.  She likes you a lot.”

“She does? But she’s your friend.”

“Yes, and now she’s your friend, too.  She’ll fight for what makes us happy, together. She made that clear. Along with a few other…choice things.” Carol rubbed the back of her neck, embarrassed.

“I…I didn’t know that.”

Carol nodded.  “I don’t know that it makes it right that I went to her, though.” Carol leaned forward. “I want you to hear me, Therese, I don’t want to keep repeating that…pattern.  For one thing, I don’t want to shut down.  More importantly, though, I want to work things out with you, talk things through with you.”

Therese tilted her head to one side, pensive for a moment. “Carol, I think it’s ok for you to talk to Abby.”

“You do?”

“Of course, she’s your best friend. You should be able to ask her for advice, especially when you’re upset. I mean, I talked to Dannie.”

“You did?”  Carol was surprised; Therese could be immensely private.

“At lunch. He could tell I was upset.”

“And what did he say?”

Therese smirked, an ease appearing in her face for the first time. “To talk to you.”

Carol laughed.  “Well.  What good friends we have!”

“Yes,” Therese smiled, “we do.  Just, Carol” –

“Yes, darling?” Carol squeezed her hand.

“Don’t…” Therese paused, sighed. “Don’t fix things, solve things with her, and not talk to me. Like…”

“Like after Waterloo?”

Therese nodded.  “Please. Don’t do that. It makes me feel…” she fidgeted a little, unsure of herself, and took a breath. “It makes me feel left out. Like I’m not…wanted…important enough.”

“Darling, I’m so sorry.  I will not ever do that again.” Carol raised Therese’s hand to her lips and kissed the palm. “I promise.  I promise.”  She kissed her palm again.  “Do you know what Abby asked when I called her that morning? And in Chicago too.  She asked if I had I talked to you.”

“But you didn’t.  We didn’t.  Like we forgot how, like you said.”

They gazed at each other for a moment.  “But we’re here now,” Carol said quietly. “We’re here now.”

Therese just nodded slowly.  Carol squeezed her hand, stood, and stretched.  “Can I make you some tea? I’m a bit thirsty.”  She headed towards the kitchen and began to fill the kettle.

“Sure.”

Carol took a deep breath as she gathered the tea cups, cream, and sachets of Earl Grey. _So far so good, I guess_ , she thought, running her fingers through her hair.   

 


	4. The Longest Night

“Carol?”  Therese had come to the kitchen doorway, leaning against it and nibbling another piece of bread.

Carol turned.  “Hey there.  What do you need, more to eat? What can I get for you?” Carol had a sudden urge to care for Therese, to meet every need she might have.

Therese twisted a foot back and forth on the floor and looked away.  “What did you mean, earlier, when you said you were…relieved, by…um…what I said before.”

Carol felt herself flush, her nerves returning.  “Oh I…well…” she turned to adjust the tea kettle. “I had been thinking…wondering…oh hell,” she muttered, picking up the potholder and tossing it back on the counter.  She really wanted a cigarette. _No, no I don’t_ , she reminded herself. She turned back to Therese. “I don’t know how to talk about this, I’ll be honest.”

“Try.”

Carol heard it more as a plea than as a command.

“All right.”  She took a deep breath, smoothed her hands along the front of her skirt. “I had been wondering, maybe, if you weren’t as…interested…in me…in” – she waved a hand vaguely – “well, you know.”

“Why would you think that?” Therese asked quietly, very still.

The longing in her voice made Carol’s heart hurt for her. She took a step forward. She had a hard time keeping eye contact, but she tried.  “It’s absurd, really…it just seems like, most often…it’s me…starting things.  Asking.  But...I also know, when we’re...together, it’s the truest thing I’ve ever known.  You’re so…present, and” – Carol’s hands shook, and she held the edge of the sink – “enthusiastic.  So I don’t even make sense.”  She paused. Therese’s eyes were wide, her chest heaving with shallow breaths.  “You still with me?”

“Yes,” Therese replied, breathy and soft.

The tea kettle began to whistle, and Carol turned to shut off the flame.  Carrying the kettle to the tray with the teacups and tea, she said, “May we sit, darling?  I don’t think I can stand up and have this conversation.  It makes my knees weak.”

“Of course.”  They moved back to the couch, where Carol poured first the cream and then the hot water over their tea bags.  She could feel Therese’s eyes on her, a familiar feeling now after all these months, which she loved even in this moment.  She handed her a teacup, picked up her own, and settled back into the couch.

“What did Abby say?” Therese asked, not at all accusing this time, but matter-of-fact. 

Carol smiled, embarrassed.  “That I’m being ridiculous. That the way you look at me would burn down the city.”

Therese swallowed hard, and blushed.  “Well.” She smiled faintly.  “Now you know.”

“Yes.”

They watched each other for a moment.  There was a new undercurrent between them now, that made the center of Carol’s chest feel warm, and her thighs tingle.

“She also reminded me,” Carol added, running her hand up the back of her neck, under her hair, “that I didn’t know, either, how to ask.”  She knew she was blushing now, too, from the warmth rushing to her face.  Therese’s eyes went wide again.  “How could I? It’s not like we’re ever taught we can.” She took a sip of her tea, and swallowed. “That we can ask for what we want. That we can say yes, and even no. God, we can even say no,” she said with a rueful laugh.

“She taught you that?” Therese asked, voice not quite steady.

Carol knew it had cost Therese something to ask that, and wanted to respond with care. “Abby?  Yes.  But not only when we were…together. Even moreso afterwards, really, always insisting I had the right to be happy.  That I deserved to be treated like…a human. With needs and…desires. That my body is my own.”

Therese just looked at her, still as the hour before dawn. Carol could see she was working something out in that ever thoughtful, curious mind of hers, but her eyes were still sad.  Carol set her cup on the table and leaned forward.

“Therese, I never, ever want our…” she swallowed and made herself say it, “…lovemaking to feel like an obligation.  I want you to be able to say yes, to say no, to tell me exactly what you want. Always.” She took a breath. “I never want to be to you like Harge was to me.  Like I was just there, for his convenience.  I will always want to know what you want, will only want what you want to give, willingly, and you can always tell me no.”

There were tears in Therese’s eyes, and Carol took her hands.  Therese looked down at their hands.

“Richard never asked me, never asked what I wanted.” Her voice shook. “Not about…not about anything. He just assumed whatever he wanted is what I wanted.  I didn’t even _know_ what I wanted. And nobody ever told me anything could be different. I just thought that’s how it was supposed to be.”

“Didn’t you know, what you wanted?” Carol rubbed Therese’s knuckles with her thumbs.

“What do you mean?”  
  
“Remember that drive back to Chicago, what you said, that you didn’t know what you wanted.  I thought even at the time that was strange, because it seemed so clear that you wanted to be with me.  You knew what you wanted in Waterloo.  I’ve thought about that often.  What you didn’t want was Richard, you may not have known how to tell him outright, but as you told me, you never committed to him, to his proposal, even to his trip.  You kept making your own plans.  You let his letters sink in the lake.” They both smiled briefly at the memory.  “You knew what you wanted, you just didn’t know how to tell him so...or that you could, I suppose.”

Therese thought for a moment.  “Yes. I think that’s right.  But still. Here we are and I don’t know how to tell you, either.”

“But you have, dearest.  That’s why we’re here now.”

Therese didn’t look up. Carol remembered their morning fight, what Therese had shouted.

“Therese, are you still afraid if you tell me what you want, that I’ll leave?”

Therese sighed, turning her head to one side but still not looking at Carol.

“I know it seems silly, but yes. I can’t help it, it’s like I was punished, for saying yes, for saying what I wanted. Like something bad will happen if I ask again.”

“Oh darling,” Carol shifted closer and caressed Therese’s hair, tears in her own eyes now.  “I didn’t help matters by not talking to you more.  I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry.”  She cupped the younger woman’s cheek in her hand, smoothing away tears across her cheekbone with a thumb and trying to catch her eyes in her own.  “I’m so sorry.  I am not going anywhere now.  I’m here now,” she whispered.  “You can ask me anything, I promise. You can tell me what you want. Anything. Yes, no...”

Therese finally looked up, right into Carol’s eyes, her own alight with a rekindled shimmer.  “I cannot imagine any scenario, in any universe, in which I would ever say no to you.” And before Carol could catch her breath, Therese had leaned forward and kissed her, hard, taking Carol’s head in her hands.  Carol groaned between her teeth, in such relief and need, and wrapped her arms around Therese.

Therese kept pressing forward, their kisses a fury, until Carol was laid back and Therese above her. Carol clung to her tightly as Therese’s mouth searched hers, desperate, her fingers tangled in Carol’s hair. Therese kissed her eyes, her cheeks, around her right ear, and then buried her face in Carol’s neck, where Carol could feel her inhaling her deeply.  “I missed you,” Carol whispered into Therese’s hair. “This has felt like the longest day, getting here, and I missed you today, so much.”  Carol felt the smaller woman tremble in her arms, grow very still, and then with a gasp begin to weep, shaking.

Alarmed, Carol kissed the side of Therese’s head and shifted herself to hold her to her chest.  “My dearest, my heart, what is it?” She caressed her head, placing a kiss, then another, along her brow. “You can tell me. It’s ok. I love you, I’m here, we’re ok…”

Therese snaked an arm under Carol’s and around her waist, clutching tightly, shuddering her tears and pressing her head into Carol’s shoulder as if trying to burrow right under her skin.

“You’re here…”Therese muffled into Carol’s shoulder, voice thick with crying.

“I’m here, I’m here.”

“You’re here.”

“Yes, yes.” Carol had never felt anything like the shivering currents running under Therese’s skin.  She thought she couldn’t hold Therese any tighter but squeezed anyway, and continued stroking her hair and kissing her along her hairline.  Comfort seemed the best response to whatever was churning in Therese’s heart.

“Not going anywhere.”

“No, never, never again.  Whatever comes, we’ll face it together.”

“Promise…”

“I promise, I promise.”

They lay there for a long moment, Carol still quietly caressing Therese’s hair and whispering into her ear.  Gradually Therese’s crying subsided, but that current – was it fear? anger? desire? some confusing mix of all of that? – Carol wasn’t sure, but it was still there.

“I was so scared.” Therese’s breathing was ragged, her voice low and rough. “I yelled at you, it was unfair, I’m so sorry. I was scared all day, what if you didn’t come back.”

“I’m here, I’m here.” Carol felt it important to just listen now, not say too much. She just held Therese to her.

“I’ve been alone so long,” Therese gulped, “so long. I don’t…I don’t know how to do any of this, how to ask, to want, to fight, it just all feels scary to me.”  She rubbed her cheek on Carol’s chest. “All I know is I finally found you, and I thought I lost you once, and I don’t ever…I can’t lose you again.”

Carol took a deep breath and kissed Therese’s forehead.  “I’m here, I’m here.”

“I _yelled_ at you,” Therese whispered, distressed, into Carol’s blouse.

“Oh love, I forgave you that same moment. I could tell there was…something else really bothering you.”

“Really?”

Carol just nodded, tracing a series of kisses along her brow.

“Carol…” Therese breathed her name, sending a wave of warmth up Carol’s spine.  “…of all the things I love about you, your kindness…the way you think of me.  I can’t get over it.”  She shifted her arm from under Carol, bringing her hand up to her chest, drawing her finger along the placket of Carol’s blouse.  “Do you know, when we first met, I wrote you letters. I never sent them, obviously. But I wrote them. One after the other, until our trip.”

“Really?”  Carol was touched, and curious. 

“Mmhmm,” Therese hummed into Carol’s chest.  “I was…overwhelmed by you, by what I felt for you. I wrote the first one after our first lunch…it was supposed to be a thank you note but…” she paused and ducked her head.

Carol smiled to herself. “I see.”

“Pages and pages. Everything I wanted to know, to ask you, to tell you, everything I felt, did you feel the same, did you know what it was we were feeling. I had nobody to talk to, I didn’t understand what I felt except I never wanted to stop feeling it, you know?”

"Yes, yes I do.”  She had begun running her hand up and down Therese’s side, gently, slowly.

“I felt…with Richard I felt nothing, you have to understand. He would kiss me and…nothing.  Like, a friend at best?  In…bed, you know, nothing.  The boys before…I thought that’s just how it was. Boys get what they want, who cares how I felt.” She sighed. 

“And then,” she unbuttoned the top button of Carol’s blouse with one hand, “you walked into Frankenberg’s, and it was like I had been asleep, like I had no idea what it was to be alive. You looked at me, and it was like I died and was resurrected all in the same moment. And I had no idea…what to do…with all the light, and color, and sound.”  She unbuttoned another button, drew her finger lightly along Carol’s breastbone, and the hairs along Carol’s arms stood on end.  “I still don’t.  Honestly, I hope I never do.”

Carol could barely breathe.  “Me either darling.” She wanted to follow Therese’s lead, this was all about her right now. That churning energy she had felt in Therese had shifted now, calmed into a thrumming flow under her skin that was threatening to undo her, and it was all Carol could do not to tear her blouse off her own body to get closer to the younger woman. 

“That you could feel the same…for me…” Therese breathed across Carol’s skin, “…how could I even imagine it?”

“I do, I do feel the same.” Carol whispered.  “Alive. The most alive I have ever felt.”

The sun was setting now, the angle through the windows causing the blue walls to light up with a gentle glow.  Therese ran her finger slowly up and down Carol’s bare breastbone.  “Everything I told you, that first morning here, I meant it. I understood…understand…why you did what you did. Especially after you told me what you’d gone through, after coming back. Being followed, all that. I understand, I do.”

Carol tightened her arms around Therese. “Maybe more than one thing can be true at once.”

“I remember feeling even more selfish, after you told me that. To…want you…so…desperately, when you were going through that.”

“I assure you, you do not need to be concerned about that.”

Therese nestled her head more comfortably on Carol’s shoulder, finger still tracing her chest. “I was still scared, though, confused. I understood, but it’s an old wound, being left…and then not knowing how to…tell you things…even though you clearly knew how…it was intimidating, a little, that you…knew things.”

“A little. Never like this. And you…learned. Together, we’ve learned.”  _Like you making me crazy right now, your fingers on my chest_ , she thought. She watched, breath shallow, as Therese undid another button on her blouse, and slid her hand under the fabric. _Oh god_.

“It was easy to just let you…lead…but the fear didn’t go away…the…want…didn’t either, just this…confusion not knowing how to say anything.  I feel so awful, you thinking I didn’t want you…god…” She pressed her forehead to Carol’s chest.

“Darling,” Carol soothed, “you’re being hard on yourself again.  I thought…as I said before, it’s absurd, with you so…eager, the way you give of yourself.  I just wondered…and I could have asked you, you know, this is on me too…I just wondered…I’m…older than you, I’m not…well I’ve had a child…”

Therese instantly rose up on her elbow, shifting around and moving her hands so that she was once more above Carol, looking down at her.  Carol thought her green eyes had never been more beautiful, cleansed out by tears. She barely remembered to breathe.

“You,” Therese said, holding Carol’s gaze, “are glorious. Magnificent.” She leaned down and kissed three times down Carol’s chest. “How could you even think otherwise?”

“I don’t know,” Carol murmured, her own craving simmering now in her blood, making it hard for her to think.

Without taking her eyes off Carol Therese unbuttoned her blouse fully. “I will make it my life’s mission to convince you,” she said, running her fingers deliberately down Carol’s chest and belly, making her gasp and her back ripple. “So you always know…” she whispered, leaning down and placing a kiss at the notch of Carol’s throat, “I want you so…desperately…” she kissed the center of her breastbone, “so much, I could…I could…”

“Set the city on fire?” Carol was breathless, reaching for Therese’s thighs with her hands.

“The city” – Therese kissed the bare flesh of Carol’s right breast above the edge of her bra – “the entire Eastern seaboard” – and the left – “the whole continent” – and the center of her chest again.

“Oh my,” Carol said faintly, and Therese pressed her forehead to Carol’s breastbone, heavy breath hot on her skin.

“Carol…” Therese sighed, chest heaving.

“Tell me, darling.”

Therese raised up and looked at Carol, who lost her breath at the incredible sight of her lover’s face, ablaze with desire, unhesitating.

“Take me to bed.”

Carol practically growled.  “God yes.”  She pushed herself up and reached for Therese, sliding a hand around her neck and pulling her to her, searching out her mouth, greedy.  “Oh God, yes.”


	5. The Longest Night, Again

Carol was too astonished to sleep.  She lay awake, on her side with Therese curled up into her with her head nuzzled between her breasts, breath warm and slow across her skin, peaceful in Carol’s arms.  As their sweat cooled from their bodies she pulled the sheet up over them with immense gentle care, tucking it around Therese’s shoulders so that she would not be cold.  Even in summer she loved the delicious heat of Therese’s body that radiated into her own; the covering kept that warmth wrapped around them.  She pressed a kiss to Therese’s head.

Their lovemaking had been the most intense tenderness Carol had ever experienced.   Therese had led Carol by the hand to their bed, turned to her and asked, “May I undress you?”  Carol smiled, her blouse already undone and hanging off her shoulders. “Yes,” she whispered low.  Therese had taken her time, folding each item of clothing and setting it to the side, eyes never leaving Carol’s body. Once Carol was fully naked, she ran her hands along Carol’s thighs, over the curve of her hips, and up her sides, causing Carol to shiver. “Magnificent.” 

Carol reached out and took Therese’s face in her hands, kissing her long and languid, tongues entwining in exploration.  Finally Carol broke off the kiss to catch her breath, though they both still watched each other, chests heaving.

“May I” –

“Would you” –

They spoke at once, and then laughed lightly, smiling together.  Therese took Carol’s hands and guided them over her shoulders to the zipper on the back of her dress.  “Yes, yes you may,” she whispered, leaning her head into Carol’s neck and biting gently on the tendon and kissing it.  Carol was not sure how she remained standing as she drew down the zipper exposing Therese’s exquisite back. Part of her was impatient, wanting everything, but she knew tonight was about being unhurried, about asking, and telling, and an assuring yes.

So she too had gone slowly, though her hands trembled with desire as she pulled the dress back across Therese’s shoulders, helping it slide to the floor, then picking it up and folding it as Therese had done.  Soon their bare bodies clung together, hands caressing spines and cheekbones.  “So soft, so soft,” Therese had whispered as they sunk onto the bed together, limbs tangling as they sought to be as close together as possible.

Therese had straddled her, low across her thighs, and gazed down at her with what Carol could only call wonder.  She began running her hands down Carol’s arms, up and around her torso, tracing around each breast and down to her soft belly.  Carol had flinched, instinctively wanting to reach to turn off the light. _No, no_ , she told herself, _see me, see me_.  Therese had spotted her movement and reached to cup Carol’s chin in her hand, sliding her thumb across her lower lip.

“Is this ok, Carol?”

The concern in her lover’s voice nearly did her in. “Yes, darling, yes.”

Therese leaned down and skimmed her lips across Carol’s chest, shifting down her body until her mouth hovered over her womb, marked from carrying Rindy. Carol trembled under Therese’s touch as she traced fingers and tongue along the stretch marks, kissing her navel and then the marks themselves with a gentleness that left Carol breathless.

“Who told you this isn’t beautiful?” Therese breathed over Carols flesh. “You carried life here. You’re amazing.”

Carol had had no words, wrapping her hands in Therese’s hair, astounded.  Therese had lavished her with her mouth, her lips and tongue traveling back up her body, covering her shoulders with nips and kisses as they clasped each other again, legs entangling as their desire grew. As Carol felt Therese’s hands reach low across her hips, she wrapped an arm around Therese’s neck to pull her close, her voice a rough whisper in her ear:  “Ask me things.”  And she bit her earlobe as Therese shuddered.

The room had filled with the sounds of flesh shifting on sleek cotton, and their own soft cries and murmurs.

_May I_ …

_Would you_ …

_Tell Me_ …

The moment that still held Carol speechless, though, was when they had lain face to face, and Therese had taken her hand and guided it to her own center – _Here – Tell me, darling_ – pressing Carol’s fingers deep – _For you – Here, love? – Yes, for you, for you –_ deeper _– like this, dearest? – all for you, yes, yes – yes, darling –yes, for you, for you…_

Carol had held Therese as close as she could with her free arm, the anchor so Therese could lose herself, unbound. “I love you,” she vowed into Therese’s ear, overwhelmed as tremors coursed through the younger woman’s body.   When Therese had finally arched and cried out her name with abandon, Carol too had cried out, Therese’s climax thundering through her own body like an electrical storm.

Now Carol’s heart was still pounding, and she had to concentrate on breathing.  Therese stirred slightly in her arms.

“Carol…” Therese’s sigh was hot across her breasts.

“Yes, my dearest, I’m here.” Carol kissed the top of her head again, gently tightening her arms around her. 

“Carol…”

“Yes my love, my heart.”

Therese nuzzled the space between her breasts. “Mmm, you have the sweetest names for me.”

“And my name,” Carol responded, hooking a leg over Therese’s, “is perfection in your mouth, my darling.”

She felt Therese’s smile against the skin of her chest, and Therese tightened their embrace.  “I love you.”

“I love you, too, I love you, too,” Carol whispered with a kiss to Therese’s forehead.  They were silent together for a while, breathing each other in.

Carol ran her fingers through Therese’s hair.  “Are you awake, love?”

“Mmm, yes.” Therese shifted to kiss Carol’s mouth softly. “Why?”

“I want to tell you one more thing. Is that ok?”

“Of course.” Therese pulled back slightly to be able to see Carol’s face.

Carol smiled tenderly.  “I want to tell you, it gives me such pleasure to give you things.  It pleases me, to make you happy.  Giving you my key, it gave me pleasure. It made you happy.  That’s why it was easy…it was never about schedules or…convenience.  It gave me pleasure, to give you the key. I would give you…all my keys, to everything, my heart, all that is mine.  All yours.  I know for you it’s…different, why you would hesitate, and that’s ok. You can, or not, when you’re ready.  I just want you to know, I gave you my key so quickly so you would know you had me. After all that had happened between us, I wanted you to have that, to know that.”

Therese stroked Carol’s hair, tucking it behind her ears. “I’m sorry I said that to you, it wasn’t fair.” 

Carol shook her head. “No, love, I was careless with what I said, I’m the one who should apologize.  I’m sorry. Forgive me?”

Therese smiled, her gaze inscrutable, and pressed her lips delicately to Carol’s forehead.  “Wait here.”

“All right,” Carol gave her a puzzled smile as Therese untangled herself from Carol and clambered out of the bed, heading into the living room.  “What are you doing?  I miss you here already.”

“Just wait there,” Therese called back.

Carol heard a rustling, the wood-on-wood scrape of a drawer being pulled out, then pushed back in, and more rustling.  Finally she heard Therese’s footsteps heading back towards the bedroom. She stopped at the doorway, hands behind her back.  “Close your eyes.”

“I beg your pardon?” Carol said, teasing.  “The bed is cold without you, come here.”

“Just close your eyes, please?”

“All right, all right.” Carol closed her eyes, grinning.  “Now will you come here?”  She heard Therese move the few steps from the doorway and felt her climb back into bed.

“Would you lie on your back?”

Carol immediately complied and felt Therese straddle her thighs again, then lean forward. She felt Therese’s breath in her ear, hands resting on either side of her head.  “Keep your eyes closed, is that ok? Till I tell you?”

“Yes, darling,” Carol replied, and felt Therese’s kiss on her cheek before she sat back up and settled across her hips.  She felt a finger at the notch of her neck slowly running down her breastbone, then the sheet being slowly pulled back off her chest.  There was a brief pause, then she felt a cool thin edge follow that same path, then again, and a third time, warmer now.

“What is that?” she whispered, and felt Therese turn the edge so that a small flat surface was pressed under her hand into the flesh above Carol’s heart.

“Open your eyes.”

Carol opened her eyes and looked into Therese’s face, illumined, before looking down towards where Therese had her hand.  Therese beamed and lifted her hand, revealing a key lying over Carol’s heart.  Carol’s eyes went wide, looking from Therese to the key and back again.

“When did you do this?” she asked, astonished once again. “Today?”

“Today.”

“But…you did this today, even though we had fought? Even though you were scared?” Carol picked up the key, incredulous, and gazed at it, turning it in her hand.

“I did.  I needed to do something to remind myself to believe in us, so I left work early and had them cut.”

“Them?”

“There are two, this one” – she opened her other hand – “is for the entry door downstairs.  That one” – she pointed to the one in Carol’s hand – “is for this very apartment. Ours.”

Carol shook her head. “I…I’m overwhelmed, dearest.  I know how…significant this is, for you. For us.”  She reached out and took Therese’s free hand, pulled it towards her and kissed it.  “I treasure this.  You. Thank you.”

“There’s more.”

“Oh?”

Therese reached behind her and pulled out a thick sheaf of what appeared to be folded sheets of writing paper, tied in a ribbon.  “These are for you, finally.”

Carol pushed herself up by her elbows until she was sitting, then took the packet from Therese.  “Are these…?”

“All my letters to you, yes.  So they are yours now, as they should be.”

“Therese…I’m…” she pressed the letters to her face, inhaling, speechless.

Therese shifted off Carol’s hips, shifting around beside her and handing her the second key.  “Tomorrow, come home from work, let yourself in to our apartment here, pour yourself a drink, and read them.  You can tell me what you think when I get home.” 

“I like that plan,” Carol smirked, “except that I want to read them all right now.”

“Yes,” Therese nodded, sliding an arm around Carol and pulling her close again, “except I want to make love to you again.”

“Again.”

“Again.”

Carol tucked the two keys under the ribbon around the letters and carefully set the whole packet on the floor next to the bed. “Well by all means…” she began, turning into Therese’s embrace.

“Yes?”

“Again.”

  
  
* * *

The next afternoon, Abby arrived home after a leisurely lunch with her redhead to find a long box at her front door.  She carried it inside and opened it to find a dozen deep red roses.  Reading the card, Abby smiled, a strange warm and content ache in her heart, and carried the flowers to the kitchen to put them in a vase.

The card read simply, “Thank you, for teaching her. For everything. ~ T”


End file.
